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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.