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Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.