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You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.