Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.