Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Smooth move.........ExLax
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.