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I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.