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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
My number was 0...