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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.