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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
β€œIt would take too long to explain…” Translated: β€œI have no idea how it works.”
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
is a mystery youΒ΄ll never solve
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.