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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.