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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
u cant spell awesome without me
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.