Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?