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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I wish I had a friend like me
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.