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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
?-- that guy is cute ?
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.