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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.