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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.