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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.