Daily Silly Status

I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.

I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality

There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.

I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.

My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.

I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume

You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.

Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?

My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.

I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.

So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.