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I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!