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When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?