Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".