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I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.