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If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.