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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis