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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.