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So many rules; so little time to break them.
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.