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It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".