Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.