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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.