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Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
My internet goes out more than I do.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.