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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."