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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
I hate when the remote is way over there
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.