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What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
I never finish anyth...............
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)