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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.