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Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"