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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.