Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.