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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.