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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.