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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate