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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
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I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars