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Which wine goes best with more wine?
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?