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Vodka is just amazing water.
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..