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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.