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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.