Daily Silly Status

There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.

Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.

There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.

"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.

Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................

After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"

I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.

I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don`t think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.

I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....

Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.

I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.

I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`

Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.