Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.