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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
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Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.