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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.