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BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.