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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson