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You do realize everyone can see your status right?
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?