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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.