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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
I`m never free but I`m available.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.