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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.