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The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar