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Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.