Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.